Parenting plan template: a checklist of what to agree

A parenting plan sets out how you and your co-parent will raise your child across two homes: the schedule, holidays, exchanges, decisions, money, travel and what happens when you disagree. The checklist below lists the questions official guides from the US, England and Wales, Australia and Canada ask parents to settle, in 13 sections with 99 questions. Tick what applies, note your answers, and print it to bring to a mediator or lawyer.

This is a discussion checklist, not a legal document. It is not a court form, it does not replace one, and it is not legal advice. Rules differ between US states, England and Wales, Australia and Canada. When you know what you agree on, put it into the official form or agreement used where you live.

Official forms and guides by country

Use this checklist to prepare, then move to the official version for your jurisdiction.

A few points of difference worth knowing:

• England and Wales. gov.uk says you do not have to do any official paperwork if you agree on child arrangements; you can write your agreement down as a child arrangements plan if you want a record. It also says the other parent does not have to follow a plan made with its online service, and that a consent order approved by the court is the route if you want your agreement to carry the weight of an order.
• Australia. Family Relationships Online describes a parenting plan as a written agreement between the parents that is signed and dated, with no required format, and not enforceable the way a court order is. The government handbook adds that a court can consider a plan as evidence if you end up in court.
• Canada. The federal tool uses the Divorce Act terms "parenting time" and "decision-making responsibility", but says you do not have to use legal language as long as your plan clearly sets out what you agreed.
• United States. Terms and rules vary by state. Some states call it a parenting plan, others a custody agreement or parenting time schedule; some require a plan in every custody case. Oregon's court booklet, for example, says all custody orders there, except those in restraining orders, must include parenting plans.

How to use this checklist with a mediator

1. Each parent fills in a copy separately. Tick the questions that matter for your family and jot down your preferred answer. Leave "we agree" boxes for later.
2. Swap or send them ahead. Share your copies with each other or the mediator before the first session. A mediator can then start with what you already agree on and spend the paid time on the rest.
3. Sort into three piles. Agreed, close, and far apart. Agreed items go straight into the draft. "Close" items usually settle with one concrete proposal.
4. Take the far-apart items one at a time. Bring two or three options for each, not one demand. Official templates are a good source of neutral options because they were written to be tick-box choices.
5. Write the agreed answer in plain words. Exact times, exact places, named people.
6. Move the result into the official form. The checklist is your preparation; the official plan or order is what you sign.

If there is domestic abuse or you feel unsafe, do not use joint planning tools under pressure. The Cafcass plan asks parents not to go ahead if they do not feel safe, and gov.uk says not to use its service if you feel pressured or intimidated. Speak to a lawyer or a domestic abuse service first.

Section by section

Regular schedule

The core of any plan. Settle the repeating pattern, the exact start and end times, and the date the rotation starts, so both parents count weeks the same way. Canada's federal tool also asks how school long weekends are handled, which catches many families out. Decide how one-off swaps are requested and confirmed: Oregon's form, for instance, lets parents choose whether temporary changes can be agreed verbally or must be in writing.

Holidays and special days

Holidays override the regular schedule, so the plan needs to say which holidays count, how each is shared (alternating years, split days, or fixed), and the exact handover times. Canada's tool suggests asking your child how they would like to celebrate, and scheduling holidays around natural breaks in the school year to keep transitions easy. Include religious and cultural holidays that matter to either household, and birthdays.

Exchanges and transportation

Where and when the child changes homes, who drives, what happens if someone is late, and what the child takes. The Illinois form offers four transport options, from one parent doing all the driving to each parent collecting at the start of their time. Oregon's form asks parents to agree how many minutes late counts as on time, and that a delayed parent calls immediately. If contact is tense, consider exchanges at school or through a supervised exchange service.

Right of first refusal and alternate care

Whether a parent who cannot look after the child for a period must offer that time to the other parent first. The Illinois form's option uses 24 hours or more and a two-hour reply window; Canada's sample uses more than four hours. The Cafcass plan asks a related question: who the alternative carers will be if neither parent can look after the child, and whether childminders, babysitters, relatives, new partners or neighbours may.

Communication

Agree on one channel for routine messages, one for emergencies, and a reasonable reply time. The Illinois form says the child's electronic contact with the other parent must not be unreasonably monitored or interrupted, and asks when the child may contact the parent they are not with. Australia's handbook gives an example of email for longer issues, text for short notices such as running late, and phone calls for emergencies.

Decision-making: education, health and religion

Decide whether major decisions are joint, made by one parent after consulting the other, or split by area. Oregon's form defines major decisions as including education, non-emergency health care and religious training, and separates them from day-to-day decisions each parent makes during their own time. Canada's tool defines decision-making responsibility as covering health, education, culture, religion and significant extracurricular activities. Agree on what happens in an emergency: the Cafcass plan offers "address the emergency and then contact our co-parent as soon as practical" as one option.

Child expenses

Separate this from child support, which is often set by a formula, agency or court. The plan covers extra costs: how they are split, which categories are shared, whether a cost must be agreed before it is spent, and how reimbursement works. The Cafcass plan asks how day-to-day costs, school trips, larger items such as computers and musical instruments, and pocket money are handled. Canada's tool does not cover child support and points to the federal child support guidelines.

Activities and social life

Who signs the child up, whose time activities fall on, who drives, and who buys birthday presents for friends' parties. Canada's checklist asks who takes children to social events such as birthday parties and sleepovers, and who pays for the related purchases.

Travel and relocation

Travel rules are where national law matters most, so check yours:

• England and Wales. gov.uk says you must get the permission of everyone with parental responsibility, or a court, before taking a child abroad, with an exception of up to 28 days if a child arrangements order says the child lives with you, unless a court order says otherwise.
• Canada. The federal tool notes that the Government of Canada strongly recommends a consent letter for children travelling abroad without every person who has the legal right to make significant decisions for them.
• United States. Rules vary by state. The Illinois statewide form, for example, sets out relocation rules based on distance (over 25 or 50 miles, depending on the county) and requires written notice at least 60 days before a move unless that is impossible.

Also agree on who keeps the passport, how much notice a trip needs, and what details are shared beforehand.

New partners and extended family

The Cafcass plan asks how new partners will be introduced, and how the child stays in touch with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings. Canada's tool offers a sample commitment to discuss introductions with the other parent before introducing new partners to the child. Australia's handbook notes that other people, such as grandparents and step-parents, can be included in a parenting plan.

Technology, phones and online life

Phones, tablets, games and social media are easy to leave out and hard to agree on later. Canada's federal tool lists the use of technology to keep in touch with your children among the topics a plan can cover. Agree on when the child gets a phone, whether it travels between homes, shared limits, and what each parent may post about the child.

Records and information sharing

Both parents usually need the same school and medical information. The Cafcass plan asks how school notices, reports and invitations will reach both parents. Canada's tool has sample wording for both parents getting information directly from teachers and health providers, and for where documents such as health cards, birth certificates and passports are kept. Agree on a shared calendar and a way to keep a dated record of agreed changes.

Disputes and review dates

Name the first step, whether you will try mediation before court, and what applies while you work it out. gov.uk notes that in England and Wales, if you decide to go to court, you will usually need to show you have tried mediation before you apply. Set a routine review date and list the events that trigger an early one.

Common gaps people forget

• Exact times. "Weekends" is not a schedule. California's court self-help guide notes that if police ever need to understand an order, a drop-off should have a specific time of day and an exact location.
• The start date of the rotation. Without it, "alternate weekends" can be read two ways.
• Days without school. Teacher training days, snow days and sick days break weekday exchanges at school.
• Long weekends and holiday overlaps. Which wins when a holiday falls in a vacation week?
• The child's belongings. Medication, school bags, comfort items and devices.
• Who else may collect the child. Name them.
• A wait time for late arrivals.
• How changes are confirmed. Verbal agreement or in writing.
• Phones and social media. When, who pays, and what rules.
• Documents. Who keeps the passport and birth certificate.
• A review date. Without one, plans drift until they break.

How plans change as children grow

A plan that suits a toddler rarely suits a teenager. Australia's Family Relationships Online says that as children grow and their needs change, parents may have to update their agreement, and the government handbook adds that a plan can cover a specific period and be changed whenever both parents agree. The Cafcass plan includes a commitment to review the plan as children's needs change.

Canada's Department of Justice describes how children react at different ages, which is a useful guide to what to revisit:

Good moments for a review: starting school, moving to middle or high school, a parent moving house or changing jobs, a new partner moving in, a new sibling, and the child starting to drive or work. Hear the child's view in a way that suits their age; the Cafcass plan suggests options such as a joint letter or a joint conversation.

DuoWeek, a co-parenting app made by NETKREATIVES BV (the company that runs this site), can hold the schedule you agree on a shared calendar, with each later change sent as a request the co-parent accepts or declines.